Growing up I always hated when church people pushed their faith onto me. Like do you believe in God? My great aunt was the worst with her “church act” thank god for Elizabeth who came along to show me the real power of God. She didn’t force religion onto me. As soon as she met me, she said she saw the spirit in me and the devil trying to take it out of me.

In my youth, I didn’t believe in god. I thought if god is so real. Why would he allow me to get molested as a child or have me born by this tramp of a mother who left me without a father due to her poor choices in men. Well, we see the apple don’t fall too far from the tree on that one. If god existed why was my life so lonely and cold? Why at 15 years old did I attempt suicide solely because I felt that my mother didn’t love me so there’s no way the world would. Right there; do you see how I was triggered on my first arrest? Because my ex spoke words that rang true to me. “That’s why your mother doesn’t love you” My trauma response was fight or flight. Well, I did both. I’m digressing.

So I won’t push my faith onto you. But I have to serve God, do right by God give him his well-deserved glory, and spread his message to the world. Because this is a GOD THING‼️ when I tell you it wasn’t supposed to be me but god said so anyway. “Raggedy and all” as one of my favorite speakers and my pastor Sarah Jakes Robert would say. He took this broken little girl. With all her pain. All her fear. And he poured into me. When I tell you he wouldn’t allow what’s inside of me to die. He wouldn’t let me die.

To have to live a moment without my daughter as a perfectly healthy, equipped, highly educated mother was heart-wrenching. I mean the pain was unbearable; night terrors for the first time in my life. The guilt. Oh, the guilt still eats at me. I couldn’t fathom life without my daughter. But god kept waking me up. I would ask god why would you keep me alive from all those child molestations, that traumatic rape from the guy I met online, all those accidents, God why wouldn’t you let the devil kill me then when he had the chance? Could you imagine that kind of pain? Omg, the agony. The strength it took! If it wasn’t for god I wouldn’t be here to tell you my testimony. This is god’s plan. Before he bore me in my mother’s womb this was his plan for my life. To use me to break generational curses off everyone attached to me. So that Elizabeth doesn’t have to cry the same tears I did. So that she doesn’t have to feel the lack of love I felt at her age.

God used pastor Sarah, Jakes Roberts, and when I tell you, I saw her church online because she’s coastal in Texas and in LA. She saved my life. God used this woman to save my life. With every word she spoke, she was speaking to me. It was like she was talking to me like we were in the room together. Like she was sitting on my bed next to me. Can you imagine sending you such a powerful friend virtually whenever you needed with his word, his glory attached? God did that. Pastor, I don’t plan on having any more kids, but God has his plan and if I had another girl, I would name her Sarah after you.

I made a playlist of positivity full of different speeches and affirmations based on a suggestion from the powerful Les Brown who says you have to be equipped before the battle starts, so God helped me to make this playlist and a book playlist as well for this specific time I just recently faced.

Anyway on this playlist, your speeches which helped me are listed in no particular order. In my opinion, you can do know wrong. I know, too much pressure for my Pastor. But the tripled hearts hit me on a deeper level. Thank you so much for sharing your story & not hiding behind your truth like I tried to do. You help so many people with your voice.

1. an inconvenient time

2. an inside job

3. an invitation to mastery

4. backed by power ❤️❤️❤️

5. becoming different

6. becoming while undoing ❤️❤️❤️

7. blessed blind and broken❤️❤️❤️

8. boundaries and becoming

9. breaking point

10. catch and keep the undoing ❤️❤️❤️

11. come out of hiding

12. curing regret

13. don’t settle for safe

14. everything must go ❤️

15. full circle❤️

16. full throttle ❤️

17. girl get up (on my darkest days, gets me out of bed every time) ❤️❤️❤️

18. God will send you help ❤️❤️❤️ (this was a 15 minute snippet message you did on transforming during isolation. I listen to this daily, many times multiple times a day) ❤️

19. hope for some thing

20. how to satisfy your longing

21. how to turn pressure into purpose ❤️

22. hungry for hope ❤️❤️❤️

23. if these walls could talk

24. listen like Jesus,

26. make up your mind

27. nothing left to lose ❤️

28. own your lesson

29. outside the system

30. protect your edge

31. push through

32. rise eat slay ❤️

33. sent back ❤️

34. staying in your lane ❤️❤️❤️

35. surviving redefining

36. the final say ❤️

37. tunnel vision

38. unlock your heart

39. wild woman ❤️❤️❤️

40. worth the wait ❤️