This Fake Ass Family

“Picture, picture, smile for the picture
Pose with your brother, won’t you be a good sister?
Everyone thinks that we’re perfect
Please don’t let them look through the curtains
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees” (Melanie Martinez)

Melanie Martinez’s “Dollhouse” offers a hauntingly accurate portrayal of the façade many families present to the outside world. The song paints a picture of a seemingly perfect family, smiling for the camera, posing as the ideal siblings, while desperately trying to keep their secrets hidden behind the curtains. The refrain “I see things that nobody else sees” speaks to the hidden truths and unspoken realities lurking beneath the surface.

The dollhouse metaphor is powerful. In a dollhouse, everything appears perfect, pristine, and well-arranged, but it’s all a façade. The residents of this dollhouse are controlled by invisible hands, forced into roles and poses they didn’t choose. They must maintain the illusion of perfection, despite the chaos and dysfunction brewing underneath.

Martinez delves into the pressures of maintaining appearances and the emotional toll it takes on individuals. The family members are like dolls, lifeless and powerless, expected to conform to societal expectations and familial obligations without complaint. The song’s eerie melody and haunting lyrics underscore the sense of entrapment and the stark contrast between outward appearances and internal realities.

I cannot just pretend. One thing about me is that I am genuine, but I am real. I say what people are thinking. I say what people don’t want to say but are glad someone said it. I say what makes people feel uncomfortable. I share my truth because if I keep it in any longer, I’m going to explode like a time bomb that’s been ticking too long. And you just know the explosion is sure to come. Just wait for it.

I have to tell you how I feel. You tell me it hurts you to hear what I’ve been through. Imagine actually going through it; imagine thinking this was going to be the death of you. Only to look back now and know with absolute certainty that God wouldn’t let you die. Imagine thinking that you went to college for nothing, only to be marginalized as a stripper. The same stripper that fed you when you couldn’t feed your own family. The same stripper that was both the pimp and the hoe.

White privilege will have me in school for the rest of my days. Through all these degrees, I cannot understand how someone with such privilege doesn’t succeed and doesn’t see how they have used their power to destroy lives like my own. And then they think the fact they are suddenly “sorry” or “they didn’t know” will be a viable excuse for anyone.

My blogs are blowing up, and here come “family members” out of the woodwork. “I didn’t know you went through this. I didn’t know you were in foster care.” Well, now you know. The question begs: What are you going to do with this newfound knowledge? Don’t tell me, just show me. All you can do is show me.

The audacity of a person who literally started World War 3, then says, “Well, if you didn’t punch me, this never would have happened.” I need people to understand this right here if nothing else.

Words hurt. Words are triggers. Words are weapons. When you use your words to purposely hurt someone, when you use your words with the intention to destroy, belittle, condemn, then you’re using hate. God doesn’t bless hate. So when someone attacks you with their words, you have your right to defend yourself the way you see suitable.

As a trauma specialist, when someone is triggered. They have what is referred to as, “an out of body experience.” Plainly, they are acting out of flight or fight. They are not themselves. Just like the tv show, “Snapped” When people are heavily provoked & emotionally abused over a long period of time: they may just; SNAP!

Narcissist are good at attacking you with words. This fool knew all too well that those words would have consequences. I believe this was a planned attack but that’s another blog. I digress.

His attack has led me into furthering my education and on a quest for understanding. This week, I learned; I have the perfect mother for me. She showed me great work ethic. Although she was promiscuous, she never depended on men financially. See, this kind of woman bothers narcissistic men who want to have control over their woman. You cannot control an independent woman. You can stand behind her. She will stand behind you, but you cannot control her.

I have three degrees. The first in rhetoric. You cannot game me; you can’t game a gamer! So when you try to convince me of your lies that you seem to really believe—your delusions—you’re the sole reason I became a trauma specialist. You’re the reason for my third degree in psychology. And my fourth, which will be in cultural anthropology. See, I don’t seek revenge. I seek understanding. That’s what’s lacking in this world: understanding and formal college education.

This song “Dollhouse” perfectly depicts the reality we actually lived. And now you want us to smile for the camera and be a perfect family. You want me to forget that you were a functional alcoholic our whole relationship and were only sober for two months of our relationship. You’re trying to convince me you quit drinking. Tell someone who will believe those lies. Two popular saying’s come to mind: (1) A tiger never loses its stripes! (2) A leopard never changes its spots!

I forgive you wholeheartedly. I was willing to take you back and work with God on becoming a family founded in God.

But what I won’t do is believe your lies. I won’t pretend that this is a perfect family when I see things that nobody else sees.

“Before we change the world, we have to change ourselves.”

Now you want to be a perfect family?

Bringing It All Together

Martinez’s “Dollhouse” isn’t just a song; it’s a mirror reflecting my life and the lives of so many others who’ve had to maintain the illusion of perfection amidst chaos. Like the dolls in the song, I’ve been forced to play roles and smile for the camera, hiding the turmoil behind closed doors. But unlike those dolls, I refuse to be silent. I refuse to pretend. I see things that nobody else sees, and I speak truths that many are too afraid to utter.

The song resonates deeply with me because it echoes my struggle of presenting a perfect exterior while dealing with internal battles. My journey has been fraught with pain, marginalization, and betrayal, but it has also been a testament to resilience, strength, and unwavering faith. I have seen the dark side of the dollhouse, and I’ve chosen to dismantle it, piece by piece, to reveal the raw, unfiltered truth.

So, while the world may want a picture-perfect family, I choose authenticity. I choose to speak my truth, to embrace my flaws, and to stand up against the illusions that society imposes. Because in the end, it’s the cracks in the facade that let the light in, illuminating the path to true understanding and change.

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