W.E.A.V.E. stands for “When Everyone Acts, Violence Ends.”

This nonprofit holds a special place in my heart, even though this is only my second time partnering with them. Feel free to always utilize me as a free certified wellness specialist, trauma specialist, speaker, and author. Please consider me a vital resource for your nonprofit.

Their mission is to promote safe and healthy relationships while supporting survivors of sexual assault, domestic abuse, and sex trafficking.

Let’s explore how their mission aligns with my past experiences and how I use my own pain to support causes like W.E.A.V.E.

If you’ve been following my blog, you’re familiar with this story. But for our new readers, let’s dive in.

1)Toxic Relationships: Do not stay in an unhealthy or toxic relationship solely for the sake of your children. By remaining in such situations, you may unintentionally teach your children that abuse is acceptable and that they deserve to be mistreated. Children who witness abuse are more likely to enter into similar relationships themselves.

The book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz suggests that we tolerate abuse to the extent that we abuse ourselves. We are more likely to remain in an abusive relationship if the abuse we experience exceeds the abuse we inflict on ourselves.

The father of my child was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. When I first went to this organization, he said to me, “What can you speak about? I never hit you.” Even now, I struggle with Stockholm syndrome due to him. As a psychologist and trauma specialist, I understand that some people believe their own lies and delusions. Narcissists work hard to make you accept their reality as your own. I have witnesses to this, and while trauma severely affects cognition, I’ve learned how to manage and treat my trauma so that it doesn’t control me.

He was also a functioning alcoholic. Some days he was fun, but other times he became angry and frightening. For example, while I was seven months pregnant, he got so intoxicated from over 30 beers that he slammed me into a wall because I was showing my sister his outlandish behavior via FaceTime. I locked myself in the guest room, but he removed the door from its hinges. I ran downstairs to get my car keys and drive to a friend’s house. He texted me saying, “I have your license plate and reported you as a drunk driver!” As a Black woman who fears the police due to their history of violence against innocent people in my community, this was terrifying. So, I came back home.

At other times, he would take my debit cards and cash, as if I were financially dependent on him. I was already graduating with my second degree when he met me and living in a condo in Summerlin (Vegas suburbs). This behavior is characteristic of narcissism; they try to cripple and control you. He wanted to make me dependent on him, despite the fact that I had my own money and was financially independent.

I’ve dealt with a deeply hurt and broken person who needed to drag others down with him. This is just a snapshot of my experience, but it underscores why I can advocate for this nonprofit. I am not a sad story. My intent is not to sadden you but to uplift you. If I can push forward, so can you.

2. My first experience with sexual assault occurred when I was just 7 years old. My neighbors, a group of five or more Mexican American teens and young adults, invited me over to “play.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were involved in child pornography. They recorded me as they took turns licking and fondling me. Although I was molested and only recorded versus being raped this event introduced and exposed me to sex at a tender age. It heightened my curiosity and set me on a path toward adulthood while I was still a child.

At 19, l was raped by a man I met online.

I had started online dating to get free dinners, a strategy l used as a struggling college student pursuing my first degree, fresh out of foster care. I discovered that men would take me to fancy dinners just for my company. However, one Black man took things too far. This was before the era of Uber. He drove me to San Francisco for dinner, a movie, and shopping, and we even visited a dispensary. When it was nearly 1 a.m., l asked him to take me home. Instead, he insisted we stop at his place to smoke first. Naively, I agreed. Once there, he attacked me. With no one to call and my sister having recently moved to Sacramento, I felt trapped. I couldn’t rely on my mother for help, as I had learned not to in my youth. So, I stayed and slept next to my attacker. This was when I developed Stockholm syndrome. When he tried to assault me again a few hours later, I fought back and escaped. I never look backed. That same day I started a new waitress job. It’s true when they say, “be nice to people even when they are mean to you because you never know what that person is going through.” The next time someone is mean or rude to you; have some grace. They may have just escaped the pits of hell like me. And had no choice but to power forward because not even your mom will dry your tears. Although people suggested I file charges, I doubted the likelihood of a conviction and instead made a misguided vow to avoid dating Black men, believing that minority men were inherently violent. I switched to dating white men, thinking I could control them. I was wrong; I was always seen as a puppet rather than a prize. My last attack made that a reality and not just a statement.

My most recent event occurred less than two weeks ago. A man I was dating violated me in a way I had never imagined. Being vulnerable with someone who was also undergoing a divorce, I hoped for mutual support. Instead, this person worsened my trauma. Despite my efforts to help him through trauma therapy and yoga, he ultimately betrayed me. This moment pushed me closer to God, for which I am grateful, but the emotional distress and breach of trust he caused are profound. Everything happens for a reason; people will show you who they are if you give them time, but God is the same yesterday as he is today as he’ll be tomorrow.

3. Although I have never been sexually trafficked, I worked as a stripper in Las Vegas for ten years on and off. During this time, I volunteered with The Cupcake Girls, an organization that aligns with W.E.A.V.E. in their mission to support survivors of sexual exploitation and abuse. This involvement is deeply personal for me, as both organizations address issues that resonate with my own experiences.

4. My work with The Cupcake Girls and W.E.A.V.E. reflects my dedication to tackling these challenges and supporting others who face similar struggles. Through my experiences, I bring a unique perspective and empathy to the table. I have a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding sexual exploitation and abuse, and I am committed to advocating for survivors. This background enables me to contribute meaningfully to discussions and initiatives aimed at making a significant impact in the lives of those affected by these issues.

Today’s discussion (July 31, 2024) centered on mental health and the available resources. Having been in therapy since I was sixteen due to a challenging relationship with my mother, I understand the crucial importance of seeking help for mental health issues. Therapy and yoga have been indispensable for my well-being, especially after a traumatic loss.

I was pleased to learn about the mental health services available in Sacramento. However, I noticed that some male mental health professionals can be overtly aggressive and lacking in compassion, which can be particularly triggering for those already struggling with mental health issues. It is essential for professionals in the mental health field to genuinely care about their clients rather than pursuing careers for financial gain. We need individuals who are committed to understanding and supporting those in need, rather than demeaning or aggravating them.

From my experiences in Las Vegas, I shared how difficult it can be to access resources. If you are a two-parent household, obtaining help can be nearly impossible. Many agencies and nonprofits inadvertently create barriers by telling mothers, “because you have your child’s father, there is no help for you. We only help single parents.” This policy unconsciously suggests that disrupting a family unit is necessary to receive assistance, which undermines family values and morals.

All in all, I am excited about the prospect of partnering with you in the future. I deeply appreciate the work of W.E.A.V.E., and I believe that expanding this organization is essential. The services you provide are needed everywhere, and I look forward to supporting and advancing this vital mission.

Support W.E.A.V.E. by donating the following items they accept:

1. Non-perishable food items

2. Personal hygiene products

3. New clothing and shoes

4. Household items and cleaning supplies

5. Furniture and bedding

You can drop off donations at their address:

W.E.A.V.E.
2401 Arden Way
Sacramento, CA 95825

Julie Seewald Bornhoeft (she/her/hers)

Chief Strategy & Sustainability Officer

(916-643-4606

Regular donation days and hours are Mon, Wed & Friday 10:30-1:30pm or by appointment.

Please let them know that Tiara sent you! Your contributions will make a significant difference in supporting survivors and working towards ending violence. Thank you for your generosity and support.