“You are the creator. You’ve been brought here to create.” – Jackie V.

Jackie V., a money mindset coach, is all about manifesting the life we desire. Her motto, “Change your mind, change your life,” resonates deeply with me. If you’re unhappy with the life you’re living, it’s time to change it. If the narrative others tell about you doesn’t align with who you are, create a new one. One of my favorite quotes, “Before we change the world, we have to change ourselves,” speaks to this truth. While the transformation can be challenging, it’s crucial to take that first step. Out of ten people, only one will succeed in true transformation—and I believe I am that one.

Jackie V. stood out to me at the Becoming a Balanced Boss conference because she and I speak about the same topic: breaking generational curses. The difference is, Jackie focuses on breaking curses in leadership, while I address trans-generational curses that have plagued families for three and four generations. Our perspectives on generational trauma are similar, likely because we both have backgrounds in psychology.

As a motivational speaker, I know there are key components to capturing an audience: (1) appeal, (2) connection, and (3) delivery. While all the women at this event spoke efficiently, Jackie’s voice resonated with me the most. She stood out like a beacon of truth.

Unpacking Generational Trauma

Jackie defined generational trauma as the invisible burdens passed down from one generation to the next. This resonated with me on a personal level, especially when she spoke of families working hard but only achieving mediocrity.

Growing up, my biological mother worked over 40 hours a week, yet her efforts resulted in barely making ends meet. When she wasn’t working, she gambled, leaving me to take care of my younger brother. The meals she cooked were always the same: spaghetti, lasagna, tacos, or burgers. This was my reality. A life of mediocrity is all I knew, and it’s something I had to break free from.

Jackie also touched on the generation of people who believe they have to do everything alone—that asking for help is a weakness. My mother embodied this belief, and I have inherited it. She never asked for help, even when she needed it most, and as a result, I rarely ask for help myself. It’s ironic because while people often come to me for help, I’ve learned that when I need help, my family either can’t or won’t assist. My mother unconsciously taught me to be “selfish”—not out of cruelty, but out of necessity.

Another key point Jackie made was that we operate from our subconscious minds, not our conscious thoughts. Our subconscious influences our behavior, like the pressure to be “perfect.” This idea of perfection was profound to me because we don’t realize how deeply domesticated we are by our subconscious beliefs. Negative thoughts—such as “I like this business idea, but I’m not posting about it”—creep into our minds and manifest in our actions. For me, this shows up in self-doubt and overthinking.

Breaking Free from Invisible Expectations

Generational trauma includes invisible messages that no longer apply to us today, like the belief that women should remain in the kitchen. Jackie emphasized that we must change this narrative and stop living according to outdated expectations. Personally, I’ve experienced the pressure to be the “perfect wife” while also balancing a career. It’s emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. The father of my child wanted me to embody the 1950s housewife, yet also demanded that I work. We live in a generation where help exists—through nannies, doulas, and personal chefs—and it’s okay to embrace that.

Jackie also addressed imposter syndrome, a feeling many women experience. She questioned why women feel they need multiple degrees just to compete with men, while men often walk into interviews with the mindset of “They’re going to like me.” This resonated deeply because I’m working on my third degree, not because of competition, but because I never want to need anyone. However, I do understand the societal pressure many women face to prove themselves over and over again.

The Impact of Mothers on Daughters

One of Jackie’s most powerful points was how mothers influence their daughters, often projecting their fears onto them. This resonated with me as my own mother told me I wasn’t good enough to get into Howard University and that I would never surpass her as a medical biller. Yet, here I am—far surpassing her in my career—and still feeling inadequate. The mother-daughter bond shapes a woman’s entire life. I have been on a journey, feeling lost at times, because I didn’t receive the motherly support I needed. I encourage you, reader, to be the kind of parent whose child doesn’t have to search the world for the love you could have provided.

Leaving the “Good Government Job”

Jackie’s story about leaving her “good government job” was especially impactful. Her mother pushed her towards job security, but Jackie found it was draining her spirit. She was depressed, and her mother didn’t understand. This resonated with me deeply. While I’ve never worked a government job, I understand the feeling of being drained by something others think you should be grateful for. Like Jackie, I too have left situations that no longer served me, and I decree that one day I will also get paid to speak and travel. “I am speaking and traveling!”

Jackie’s Call to Action: Mirror Work

Jackie challenges her audience to engage in mirror work—looking at yourself in the mirror and being happy with who you are. Dance naked, have positive conversations with yourself, and affirm your goals. Jackie’s steps for changing your mindset are simple yet powerful. Acknowledge your negative thoughts, replace them with better ones, and remind yourself that “what you write, you invite.”

She also emphasized the importance of collaboration over competition, a message that struck me as crucial for women entrepreneurs. It’s hard to get women to view each other as partners rather than competitors. But true empowerment comes from lifting each other up.

Practical Steps for a Mindset Shift

Jackie laid out practical steps for shifting your mindset:

1. Acknowledgment: Shine a light on your negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.

2. Decide: Make the decision to change your life and thrive, not just survive.

3. Collaboration over competition: Empower other women instead of competing with them.

4. Nighttime routine: Be mindful of what you consume before bed. Positivity before sleep can transform your subconscious mind.

5. Write a new story: Every night, remind yourself that you are the writer, producer, and director of your own life.

Jackie’s closing reminder was that we are a gift to this world, and when we treat ourselves as such, the world will respond accordingly. I wholeheartedly agree. Knowing me is a privilege, and I hope my mindset motivates those around me. If I can do it, so can you.

Jackie’s speech left a profound impact on me. Her message of breaking generational curses, especially the domestication of women, hit home. Similarly, I am determined to break the trans-generational curses that have plagued my family for three generations. As the first-generation multi-college graduate in my family, I declare that it ends with me. My daughter, Elizabeth, will not suffer as I have. I have endured pain that would have broken most people, but it fuels me. The more trauma I face, the more determined I become. Yes, life is scary, but I refuse to watch from the bleachers—I’m in the race.