“It’s okay to just have a bad day.” – Nat Trodahl

At the Becoming a Balanced Boss: Mastering Mental Health in Leadership conference, Nat Trodahl was our closing speaker. I had met her earlier that day while waiting in line for lunch. Actually, she met me. I had just finished networking and was ready to grab a bite to eat when Nat joined the line. We struck up a conversation about how we both ended up at the event, and soon enough, she was telling me how she’d be speaking about resilience—something she was still relatively new to discussing.

That immediately piqued my interest. Initially, my hunger had me distracted, but resilience? That’s my territory. I couldn’t help but size her up, thinking she didn’t look like someone who had faced serious challenges. She seemed untouched by life’s hardships. I said it too—because I tend to say whatever I’m thinking, though I’m working on that. She replied, “I get that a lot! I was homeless all throughout high school.”

I realized how ignorant my assumption had been. After all, I don’t look like what I’ve been through either, and thank God for that. I shifted gears, determined to be more open-minded. After all, resilience is about more than appearances, and this woman had already defied my expectations.

I asked her what time she was speaking. She said 4 p.m., but I had already planned to attend another event at the same time and leave early for Bible study. Still, because of our awkward, honest encounter, I told her I’d stay to hear her speak.

Fast forward to Nat’s presentation. I had just returned from a break, feeling emotionally raw after hearing a story that triggered deep pain within me. When I re-entered the room, I thought, Perfect timing. Nat is on.

As I took my seat at the front, I noticed Nat was the only white woman in a room filled with predominantly African-American women entrepreneurs. Sitting so close, I could see how she interacted with the crowd. Unfortunately, I also noticed that my table was chatting more during her speech than they had for any of the other speakers. As a fellow speaker, I felt disrespected on her behalf. She was my “line buddy,” and now I found myself defensively invested in her success. I began shushing the people at my table, trying to help her get the attention she deserved.

Nat’s speech was powerful. She introduced a psychological theory I had never heard of before—the window of tolerance, a concept describing the range within which we can handle stress before becoming overwhelmed. She used vivid metaphors, dividing the window into two lands: the land of fire and the land of ice.

The land of fire represents the overwhelming emotions we experience when stress pushes us to our limits. Here, we are anxious, angry, and feel out of control. Nat shared how, during stressful times, she used food and sex to cope, which resonated with me deeply. I, too, have used unhealthy coping mechanisms—wine, food, marijuana—to numb my emotions and forget my pain. We all have vices. I wish mine were healthier and rooted in my faith, but healing is a process, and no one is perfect.

Nat’s vulnerability touched me, especially when she revealed that she had been homeless throughout high school. I could relate to that, having spent my teenage years bouncing between more than twelve different foster homes. Like Nat, I feel like I never had a real childhood. Trauma arrested my development, but I’ve used education to give me the insight and wisdom that life denied me.

Then there was the land of ice, where, instead of overwhelming emotions, we feel numb, withdrawn, lost, or frozen. I’ve been there too—feeling empty and unreachable, completely disconnected from the world. As Nat spoke, I realized how much I still carry these feelings. It’s not just about what we feel but how we heal from it. The feelings themselves don’t define us, but our ability to rise from them does.

Nat offered three practical solutions for staying resilient:

1. Remember where you started: Create a H.A.P.P. (Happy Achievements, Positive Progress) wall. Nat told the story of a friend who made a “happy wall” at his workplace to remind himself of what makes him happy. In our busy lives, we’re always measuring forward progress, like making one pizza after another without stopping to appreciate what we’ve accomplished. I reflected on my own achievements: surrendering to God, forgiving, rebuilding, and regaining custody of my daughter on my terms, not through the court system.

2. Remember to ask for help: We often forget that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

3. Remember to play: Life is heavy enough. Play is essential for maintaining balance, especially when managing leadership responsibilities.

Nat shared more of her personal story, including a breakdown she experienced in 2017. Despite having everything she thought she wanted—a house, a career, and a marriage—she fell into a deep depression. Her husband would ask what was wrong, but she couldn’t articulate it. She stayed in bed, lost in dark thoughts, her heart heavy with pain. She even considered self-harm, thinking about cutting her thighs where no one would see, just to release the pressure. But in that darkest moment, she heard God’s voice say, “Get up.” And she did. She didn’t cut herself, and that moment marked the beginning of her healing.

Hearing Nat’s story reminded me of Tasha Cobbs Leonard’s song, where she talks about being in a dark, depressive space. I often feel the same—like I’m alone and the world would be better off without me. But then, like Nat, I hear God telling me I’m not alone. I hold on to that.

Nat’s resilience didn’t come from a single moment of clarity. It came from a lifetime of hardship. She was an illegal immigrant, often homeless, sleeping on floors in shelters. This wasn’t just adversity—it was her life. Like me, she used education as her way out, breaking the cycle of poverty through learning.

Her inner child, though, still needed healing. In 2017, at the height of what should have been her happiest time, she realized that unresolved childhood wounds were holding her back. One day, she wrote her husband a three-page letter, telling him she was dying inside. She couldn’t speak the words, but writing allowed her to release the pain. I could relate so much to that. When I couldn’t stand up for myself in court or speak on my podcast, writing became my therapy, allowing me to process everything I was holding in.

Call to Action:

I challenge you to write a letter to yourself, acknowledging your pain and where you need help. Then, write a letter to those in your household, asking for their support. Healing begins when we recognize that we cannot do it alone.

Welcome to my world of resilience, empowerment, and authenticity. As a single mother, entrepreneur, and advocate, I share my journey to ignite strength within you. My writing, shaped by overcoming homelessness and embracing motherhood, blends raw truth with heartfelt wisdom. Together, we explore the path of healing and growth.

Here are some of my breakout pieces that have deeply resonated with readers:

1. “Inside the Head of a Severely Traumatized Soul Who Used Her Pain to Become a Trauma Specialist and Psychologist” 

This piece offers an introspective look at my cognitive process as a traumatized individual who turned to education for understanding. Earning three degrees and becoming a trauma specialist, wellness specialist, and psychologist, I am both the case study and the analyst. This compelling read sheds light on the complexities of trauma and recovery.

2. “Dollhouse”

This narrative reveals how my immediate and estranged families appeared perfect to the outside world. Despite my mother’s absence of visible issues, I ended up in foster care, challenging the misconception that outward appearances reflect true reality. Just as people underestimated my former partner’s manipulative nature, the blog demonstrates that what seems perfect may hide significant troubles.

3. “The Caregiver Paradox: Analyzing Emotional Dynamics and Familial Disconnections”

A sequel to “Dollhouse,” this piece explores the irony of how the person closest to me became my greatest disappointment. It explores how caregivers may struggle to provide the same level of care to loved ones as they do to those they are paid to care for. This engaging read offers a multifaceted perspective, blending personal experiences with sociological and psychological insights.

4. “The Boy Disguised as a Man”

This personal account challenges the belief that only women trap men by sharing my experience of being manipulated by an older man with a baby. It offers a raw look at power dynamics and manipulation.

5. “The Heart He Left Behind”

As a sequel to “The Boy Disguised as a Man,” this narrative explores themes of love, loss, and resilience in the aftermath of a difficult relationship. It continues the story of emotional growth and healing.

6. “The Legacy of Racial Classification: Johann Friedrich Blumenbach’s Influence on Racial Stereotyping and Its Modern Implications”

This blog examines the enduring impact of historical racial theories on contemporary society. It explores Johann Friedrich Blumenbach’s 18th-century racial classification and its implications for white supremacy. Through historical and modern cases, such as the Scottsboro Boys, the Attica Prison Riot, the Central Park Five, and Deandre Arnold, it highlights the persistence of racial stereotypes.

7. “The Most Beautiful Lie I Ever Heard”

This blog critiques Blumenbach’s assertion that “Caucasians are the most beautiful race,” exposing the Eurocentric perspective that placed Caucasians at the pinnacle of human development. It unpacks how this view contributed to a racial hierarchy and continues to impact our understanding of race today.

8. “Black: The Definition of Us”

Written during my Communication degree pursuit, this blog examines the Central Park Five case and the impact of Blumenbach’s views from 1775. It critiques ongoing racial biases in the justice system and explores the sociological and psychological disparities faced by minorities. This piece serves as both an educational tool and a call to action to address these injustices.

My writing is a testament to my journey and my commitment to illuminating complex issues. Join me as we navigate the intersections of trauma, race, and justice, and work towards a more empathetic and informed society. 

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