“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” -Dr. Maya Angelou
Women’s Event: Panel Discussion Hosted by Jae & Dominique in Partnership with Nevada Organizations
Panel Discussion: My Responses
What’s Your Background?
My background is the foundation of everything I am. In my books, I often refer to this as my “disproportionate house.” My biological mother conceived me with a married man, intending to disrupt his life and build a new one for herself and her child from a previous relationship. But her plan backfired, leaving me without a father. As it turned out, I wouldn’t have much of a mother, either.
Throughout my childhood, I was a target. My teenage years were spent learning to fight for survival. My early adulthood was consumed by “surviving”—navigating a life rooted in instability and struggle. Now, in my early 30s, I’m learning to heal from that trauma, to not only survive but truly thrive.
This is the foundation I come from—a broken, unstable beginning. Yet, in all this hardship, God provided me with education as a form of therapy. Learning allowed me to understand not just myself but also the world around me. My education became both a tool and a refuge, guiding me as I found ways to turn pain into purpose.
What Is Your Career Label?
If I had to choose a single label, I would call myself a “consultant.” In all my varied experiences, my goal is always to provide guidance and insight. Consulting means “seeking guidance or advice from an expert,” and that’s precisely what I am. I am absolutely exceptional—an expert. My expertise in trauma led me to become a trauma specialist. My deep understanding of communication allowed me to transform my experiences into a platform for others as a motivational speaker. And finally, my love for words has shaped me into a prolific author.
Educational Accolades
I hold an Associate of Arts degree in Speech and Rhetoric from Diablo Valley College in Pleasant Hill, CA, and a Bachelor of Arts in Communication from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Currently, I am nearing the completion of my third degree—a Bachelor’s in Psychology—with only one course left: Biology. Each of these degrees represents a milestone, a step toward understanding and expressing my journey. I claim these three degrees with immense pride, knowing they are proof of my resilience and dedication.
This journey, marked by loss, resilience, and education, is at the core of my identity. It has shaped my purpose: to turn struggle into strength, and to use that strength to uplift others.
Personal suffering:
I survived being parentless as a young child. I was also molested as a young child by my neighbors. I fought tooth and nail through foster care as a teenager, living in more than twelve different homes. I was raped as a young adult. I endured a diabolical child custody case while fighting my first criminal case for a year and a half, facing life’s challenges without stability. I have survived repeated homelessness, isolation, and severe trauma.
My suffering has been immense, as I’ve shared before. The experiences I’ve endured have left deep scars but have also given me strength. The pain of loss has been a constant companion, especially the loss of people I once held close. I often find myself saying, “I’m going to die alone,” but God reminds me that, with Him, I am never alone. When people walk away or give up on me, I remember that it’s part of His plan.
Dominique Poydras, one of tonight’s hosts, spoke about the importance of letting go. When people in your life are seasonal, it’s essential to accept that. She reminded us, “Mourn the relationship and move on. It’s a privilege to be in my life. We’re not perfect people, and we’re not meant for everyone. That’s okay. A person may be meant for one season but not meant to walk with you in the next.”
Sometimes, it really is that simple. We often make it harder than it needs to be by clinging to people out of fear or insecurity. Dominique’s words resonated deeply with me: we can free ourselves from unnecessary pain by understanding that some people are only meant to stay for a season, not a lifetime. This mindset shift has been essential in my journey, as I learn to let go, find peace, and embrace God’s purpose for my life.
Mindset and the Call to Personal Development
My journey toward personal development began during COVID-19. With more time on my hands, I could finally focus on myself. It was then that I started writing my first book, launched my podcast, and discovered motivational speakers like Les Brown. I also began practicing daily affirmations, all of which became foundational steps in reshaping my mindset.
One of the most profound realizations I had was that I was not in alignment with God. As Norman Vincent Peale puts it, when you’re out of sync with God, it’s like running into a wall because you’re moving in one direction while He is guiding you in another. Pastor Carey emphasizes that God gives us free will, and I felt that truth deeply. At first, I sought support from those close to me to help with my mental struggles. But when they fell short, I came to understand that what I was seeking from people, only God could provide. This revelation set me back on the path to alignment, sparking the change I needed to move forward.
Overcoming
As for what I’ve overcome, my journey has been marked by significant challenges and a deep commitment to personal growth. I’ve survived being parentless as a young child, endured the trauma of molestation, and fought tooth and nail through the foster care system, living in more than twelve different homes. I’ve faced the horrors of rape and navigated a grueling child custody battle while grappling with my first criminal case for over a year. Each experience has tested my strength, pushing me to confront the darkness of repeated homelessness, isolation, and severe trauma.
Despite these trials, I can confidently say that I am still overcoming. This process is not linear; it’s a constant battle within myself. We often become our own worst enemies, and as Les Brown wisely stated, “If there’s no enemy within, then no enemy can hurt you from the outside.” This insight resonates deeply with me as I reflect on my journey. I’ve come to understand that healing is a continuous process-“I am healing, but I’m not healed.”
My mindset shift has been crucial in this journey. By giving it all to God, I’ve learned to release the burdens I once carried alone. I want to share this truth with others, encouraging them to embrace their paths toward healing and wholeness.
Through my experiences, I hope to inspire those who feel trapped in their pain, showing them that while the road may be long, it is possible to find light in the darkness. We all have the capacity to heal, to rise above our circumstances, and to live fully, even amidst our struggles. “I am healing but I’m Not healed” – Tasha Keys
Intended Audience
My intended audience is broad. I’m here for mothers and daughters, especially those navigating strained relationships. I aim to connect with individuals struggling with addiction, particularly alcohol and gambling. My biological father, if he is still alive, was an alcoholic, as my biological mother shared with me. Through my studies in psychology, I’ve learned that addiction can be hereditary, and I want to resonate with those who, like me, seek to numb their pain through substance use.
I aspire to inspire the perfectly imperfect—those who face judgment while simply trying to get through each day. My message is for the underdogs, those who feel inferior, and the girls who have been bullied yet have discovered the strength to fight back both mentally and physically. Through my journey, I hope to empower others to embrace their resilience, recognize their worth, and learn to live fully, just as I am striving to do in my own life.
It’s essential to understand that severe trauma can be unfathomable. When individuals numb themselves with whatever vice suits them—and let’s face it, everyone has a vice; if you don’t have one, you’re likely grappling with one—it’s crucial to recognize that denial is also a vice. I find solace in reading because I never feel alone when I dive into a book; there’s always a character I can relate to. So, when someone has endured pain that you can’t comprehend—severe pain you’ve never experienced personally—how dare you tell them how to manage their trauma?
My audience includes not only women like me but also those who differ from my experiences. This encompasses anthropologists who may one day study culturally traumatized groups and anyone willing to read and eager to learn something outside of themselves.
The late Dr. Maya Angelou has always inspired me. I know I was part of her intended audience; just look at her past and mine.
Welcome to my world of resilience, empowerment, and authenticity. As a single mother, entrepreneur, and advocate, I share my journey to ignite strength within you. My writing, shaped by overcoming homelessness and embracing motherhood, blends raw truth with heartfelt wisdom. Together, we explore the path of healing and growth.
Here are some of my breakout pieces that have deeply resonated with readers:
1. “Inside the Head of a Severely Traumatized Soul Who Used Her Pain to Become a Trauma Specialist and Psychologist”
This piece offers an introspective look at my cognitive process as a traumatized individual who turned to education for understanding. Earning three degrees and becoming a trauma specialist, wellness specialist, and psychologist, I am both the case study and the analyst. This compelling read sheds light on the complexities of trauma and recovery.
2. “Dollhouse”
This narrative reveals how my immediate and estranged families appeared perfect to the outside world. Despite my mother’s absence of visible issues, I ended up in foster care, challenging the misconception that outward appearances reflect true reality. Just as people underestimated my former partner’s manipulative nature, the blog demonstrates that what seems perfect may hide significant troubles.
3. “The Caregiver Paradox: Analyzing Emotional Dynamics and Familial Disconnections”
A sequel to “Dollhouse,” this piece explores the irony of how the person closest to me became my greatest disappointment. It explores how caregivers may struggle to provide the same level of care to loved ones as they do to those they are paid to care for. This engaging read offers a multifaceted perspective, blending personal experiences with sociological and psychological insights.
4. “The Boy Disguised as a Man”
This personal account challenges the belief that only women trap men by sharing my experience of being manipulated by an older man with a baby. It offers a raw look at power dynamics and manipulation.
5. “The Heart He Left Behind”
As a sequel to “The Boy Disguised as a Man,” this narrative explores themes of love, loss, and resilience in the aftermath of a difficult relationship. It continues the story of emotional growth and healing.
6. “The Legacy of Racial Classification: Johann Friedrich Blumenbach’s Influence on Racial Stereotyping and Its Modern Implications”
This blog examines the enduring impact of historical racial theories on contemporary society. It explores Johann Friedrich Blumenbach’s 18th-century racial classification and its implications for white supremacy. Through historical and modern cases, such as the Scottsboro Boys, the Attica Prison Riot, the Central Park Five, and Deandre Arnold, it highlights the persistence of racial stereotypes.
7. “The Most Beautiful Lie I Ever Heard”
This blog critiques Blumenbach’s assertion that “Caucasians are the most beautiful race,” exposing the Eurocentric perspective that placed Caucasians at the pinnacle of human development. It unpacks how this view contributed to a racial hierarchy and continues to impact our understanding of race today.
8. “Black: The Definition of Us”
Written during my Communication degree pursuit, this blog examines the Central Park Five case and the impact of Blumenbach’s views from 1775. It critiques ongoing racial biases in the justice system and explores the sociological and psychological disparities faced by minorities. This piece serves as both an educational tool and a call to action to address these injustices.
My writing is a testament to my journey and my commitment to illuminating complex issues. Join me as we navigate the intersections of trauma, race, and justice, and work towards a more empathetic and informed society.
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