Before attending the Christian Embassy Winter Conference, my faith was wavering. I was in the midst of a significant life transition, overwhelmed by challenges and financial hardships. For those familiar with my story, you know that God is a God of sudden miracles. Suddenly, Elizabeth was not only permanently reunited with me, but our family was whole again—a situation that defied expectations and stirred controversy among those aware of our custody battle. Yet, we serve a nevertheless God. Despite being wronged, I chose to walk in forgiveness, strapping on the full armor of God and moving forward in obedience (Ephesians 6:10-18).

A Low Spirit, a Higher Calling

Heading into the conference, I was desperately seeking a touch from God, much like the woman in Matthew 9:20-22, who reached out to touch Jesus’ garment. I needed this touch not just in my life, but also in the finances of both my partner and me, as I strive to shield my daughter from hardship as much as possible. Often, when we don’t know where provision will come from, we search for water in dry places, only to continue thirsting.

I recalled a recent sermon by Stephanie Ike called, “Consider Your Ways,” in which she spoke about Haggai. She highlighted the spiritual lessons found in this book, which resonated deeply with me. I’ve had moments where I’ve drunk actual water and still remained thirsty. Sometimes, our deepest thirst can only be quenched by a word or touch from God. He is the living water, even in the desert: “But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst; the water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14).

Despite His countless provisions in my life, my faith had waned under the weight of uncertainty. Instead of running toward the chaos in faith, I had been retreating. But God, in His faithfulness, placed me exactly where I needed to be—for this transformative gathering.

The Intimacy of Fellowship

Day 1 felt like preparation for what was to come over the three-day conference. Pastors, bishops, ministers, and congregants from Chicago, Atlanta, Texas, D.C., and beyond gathered in Las Vegas at a church I had only attended for seven months and officially joined just three months prior. God’s provision, as always, surpassed anything I could have orchestrated myself.

The speaker, whom I presume was a pastor (though I missed his name), addressed 50-60 attendees in one of the church’s smaller rooms. His message was profound, blending practical wisdom with spiritual truths.

Lessons on Leadership

The speaker emphasized several key points:

1. Protocol and Respect: “Respect those older than you.” He reminded us that we are not here for ourselves but for others—a message that resonated deeply with me. I felt convicted that my presence in church was not just for me but for my family, particularly Elizabeth and my partner. Though they may not regularly attend church with me, they receive God’s word through me. Like Joshua 24:15 says, “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Reflecting on my role as a trans-generational curse breaker, I firmly believe I was born to wage war against the enemy, which explains the relentless attacks on my life. Just as Sarah Jakes Roberts speaks of being called for a select few, I know I am called to bring a select few to God. Like Rahab, parts of my life may not look holy, but God still had a purpose for her—and He has one for me too.

2. Excellence in Leadership: The speaker affirmed my personal motto of absolute excellence. Leaders must balance purity of mind with navigating the complexities of their disciples. One striking quote was, “Stand outside the door; you don’t always need a seat at the table.” Leadership doesn’t always require visibility—sometimes, it’s about allowing others to shine. He also said, “Some people want cheerleaders when they need a coach.” This hit home for me. While I often seek validation through social media likes and support at events, what I truly need is counseling and coaching to steward the gifts God has given me.

Fellowship and Vulnerability

The speaker highlighted that true fellowship reveals authenticity and vulnerability. I reflected on my relationship with my partner. While I pray, worship, and sing gospel music in front of him, he doesn’t engage in the same way. Trust, the speaker emphasized, is built through shared communion with God.

He also spoke about venting, cautioning that it requires an outlet and a shut-off point. When venting turns into gossip or anger, it becomes complaining. I found biblical guidance in 2 Timothy 2:14-16: “Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.” and Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Both passages remind us to speak words that build up rather than tear down.

Visionary Leadership and Purpose

The pastor spoke about the importance of visionary leadership, and immediately, I thought of Habakkuk 2:2: “Write the vision and make it plain.” He emphasized that every leader should have someone they are invested in—mentoring or guiding.

This made me think of Elizabeth Sr., who invested in me as a youth. Her guidance was a revelation—God sent her to pour into me so I could now share my testimony and pour into others.

Another profound question posed was, “Can you run an errand for the Lord before taking the throne?” This reminded me of Stephanie Ike’s testimony about serving humbly before stepping into her calling. I asked myself, Am I willing to serve humbly before stepping into my divine assignment? While I consider my philanthropic work pleasing to God, I realized that can’t be the only way I serve Him. I wouldn’t want to get to the throne and hear God ask, “Was that all?”

Ambition and God’s Provision

The speaker warned against unchecked ambition, saying, “The worst thing is an ambitious person in the kitchen who can make the fire but cannot put it out.” This resonated with me. I often start fires by way of self-sabotage, and when I feel the flames rising, it’s like I pour more gasoline instead of extinguishing them.

This led me to reflect on whether I am truly a leader and how God’s provision fills in where I fall short. As the pastor continued, I felt God calling me to study the word “provide.” Later in prayer, I realized that Jireh means “The Lord will provide.”

Though I see myself as the provider for my family, I understood through prayer that I am merely a vessel—God is the true provider. My ability to provide is found in His provision.

Final Reflection

As Day 1 concluded, I felt God urging me to focus on the image of God and not let the messenger distract me from the message. Admittedly, I had been distracted by the pastor’s Balenciaga rain boots, which seemed unbecoming for one of God’s representatives. This distraction reminded me of why some people hesitate to tithe or offer to churches—they question where their money is going.

Through prayer, God reminded me that the message matters more than the messenger’s appearance. Day 1 laid the foundation for profound revelations and spiritual growth. It was a reminder that God’s plans are always better than ours, and His provision never fails. I left with a renewed sense of purpose, ready to step into alignment with His will and claim His promises over my life.