You ever catch that church stare?

Or those church stares?

The ones that pierce through your soul…

that make you feel like the other person can see right through you.

Like you’re glass.

Like they can see your cracks, your fragments; what’s lying dormant inside of you.

Now if you didn’t grow up in church, or you’re new to the church lifestyle, those stares can feel off-putting.

Like people don’t like you.

Like they can see who you really are because they have discernment.

And you can’t fool God’s people.

I’m from Oakland; so where I come from, when people stare, it means one of two things:

you got a problem with me

or you’re envious of me.

So imagine my surprise when I found out the church stare wasn’t culturally the same.

I’ll never forget how uncomfortable I felt when I first started at my church home.

I didn’t know what the stares meant at first.

I’m thinking to myself; “what’s the problem?”Why are they always looking at me?

And truthfully; I was living a double life; and in many ways, I still am.

And that part matters.

Because sometimes our own condemnation will have us creating conclusions that aren’t even real.

The world and the church are two different worlds; almost like two different realms.

So what you perceive in the world isn’t necessarily true in church.

So why do they stare at church?

Maybe because they can see who you really are and who God is calling you to become.

Maybe they stare because they have a knowing about you.

Maybe they stare because God is speaking to them concerning you.

Or maybe they stare because they see themselves in you.

Now I understand it differently.

I don’t see through-the-soul like I thought they did; but I do have a knowing.

A knowing where I can look at someone and see parts of myself  recognize a similar pain

or even see a kind of discipline or conduct I’m still growing into. The same people who used to stare at me and a lot of them still do. I find myself deeply connected to now. I’ve had conversations with them. And when I tell you

what they saw in me wasn’t even a quarter of what I thought they were assuming.

That stare?

It was an introduction.

And maybe my praise and worship made me more visible not even on purpose.

But God is worthy of everything in me.

If I’m able to stand; I’m standing!

Because I’ve stood for everything else 

so in this moment, I choose to stand for God.

I couldn’t hide even if I wanted to.

I was never meant to blend in.

So while my worship may attract the stares

or heighten them; that’s not why they’re staring. They’re staring because God showed them something in you that you don’t even see yet.

Maybe they’re the person God is using

to introduce you; to you.

If only with a stare.

It started with a stare.

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