Reflecting on what I consider my biggest mistake, choosing the person I thought was “the one,” I have learned a lot:

1. Strength and Resilience: I discovered a strength within myself that I never knew existed. I learned that I can withstand immense pressure without yielding. I thought foster care was my biggest test of survival because many homes were so bad I’d rather have slept on a park bench. This recent challenge was a new test of survival. I went from being the CEO of my first business, Problem Solved, to sleeping in the back seat of my car in the dead of winter. Through this, I learned that as long as I have God, I can survive anything, even the harshest conditions.

2. Business Acumen: I learned that I can manage all aspects of a business on my own. While I created the business based on his trade, it was my experience, education, and belief that made it successful. However, I now realize the importance of having a team. For my next venture, I’ll need an assistant, a tax preparer, a traveling nanny, etc. Balancing motherhood and running a business requires support.

3. Self-Sufficiency: I learned I don’t need a man for anything. I think I first realized this during COVID-19, but God reminded me again through this tragedy. The only man I need is God! 🙏🏿

4. Understanding Control vs. Love: I learned that what I thought was love was actually control.

5. Strength of a Mother: I discovered the strength of a mother, something my own never taught me.

6. Education as Therapy: I realized that education is a form of therapy for me. God used it to give me something positive to focus on. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”

7. Hero, Not Victim: I learned that I am not a victim; I am a hero. I will be that for my daughter and for this generation.

8. Positive Thinking: One of my favorite books is “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. I reread it at least once a month. This book has drawn me closer to God and changed my belief system. We are what we believe and what we speak. Speak positively over your life and situation and see what God does.

9. Dependence and Isolation: I never thought I could depend on anyone, but I learned that my sister has my back unconditionally. She always tells me, “from the womb to the tomb.” Many asked why I didn’t stay with her or with friends and family. Transformation doesn’t happen without isolation. I had to isolate myself to rebuild trust. Betrayal had made me distrust everyone. When I was ready, I reached out for shelter and support. As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

10. Spiritual Awakening: Most importantly, I learned that God has been waiting for me. I’m sorry it took so long, God, but I’m ready now. I thank you for keeping me alive to tell my story. I see now that my struggles have a purpose. I had to go to jail to reach a new group of individuals. I had to lose my daughter to connect with parents who have lost their children. Reading “The Garden Within” by Anita Phillips was transformative. I recommend it to anyone who has experienced trauma; it might just save your life.